With all the negative news the last few days, it isn't easy to keep things upbeat, but hey, I've got to try. I can't control what the rest of the world is doing, but I can control how I respond to it to some extent. I bought into this philosophy a few years ago after taking a course.
I'd just retired from the college where I'd spent a significant part of my career and was at a low point. I couldn't decide what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I had this belief system that stopped me from pursuing what I really wanted to do—write. I didn't have enough experience, didn't have an MFA in writing, fiction writing was too competitive, etc. The list went on and on, so I continued to dabble with writing, afraid to fully commit to something I might fail at. I wallowed in my frustration and unhappiness. One day I saw a headline in the newspaper about a course at Yale called the Science of Happiness. I laughed out loud at the premise. A college course in happiness, how silly. Not.
I enrolled in The Science of Well-Being with Professor Laurie Santos. The course explained what happiness is, identified things that could make one unhappy, and told me what I could do to change it. At the end of the seven weeks, I concluded I needed to stop being such a self-entitled whiner, get on with life and follow my passions.
I discovered early in the course that I had it all wrong. The very things I thought would make me happy did not. Humans are hard-wired to feel lack. Something is always lacking; I don't drive a luxury car. I don't earn enough money. I'm not thin enough; There's a sense of lack. It will never be enough, or I will never be enough, no matter what I achieve and how far I go. Once I achieve something I desire or reach a goal, I want something else, bigger or better. I'm like the goldfish you bring home; I outgrow the bowl.
What happened in the course? The instructor brought the focus back to appreciating what you have instead of focusing on what you don't. She provided tools to alter my thinking. "Happiness is a practice you need to practice," was a quote thrown out a few times throughout the course.
Professor Santos required we employ new habits to increase our happiness quotient. By the end of the course, my happiness increased based on the before, and after surveys I took. You can take The Authentic Happiness survey for free at the University of Penn to learn your happiness status.
Many of the new habits I learned in the class, I still employ now, three years later:
Gratitude Journal. Keep one. It could be a hard copy or an app for your phone. I use the app New Gratitude Journal. It allows you to place images in your journal and provides an uplifting quote daily.
Write letters to people that have helped you in the past. I wrote a letter to a college president that interviewed and hired me. I never thanked him for giving me his stamp of approval to secure the position. Yet, I butted heads with him through negotiations and grievances for twenty-three years. I wrote him after I retired while taking the course.
Do something nice for someone for no other reason than they need your help. At the grocery store, offer assistance to someone who is clearly struggling in taking their bags to their car. You'll feel better about yourself and the world if you get out of your head and think about someone else instead.
Say something you're thankful for, even on tough days. You're above ground. That's something.
Do something physical every day. Go out for a walk, do yoga, or lift weights. You've got this one.
Meditate. I'm not perfect. I meditated before and during the course and still do. However, some days, I bag it, but I don't beat myself up over it anymore.
There were several other habits suggested. One of them, sleep more. Sorry, I couldn't sustain that one. The other is to live in the present. I had a problem with this one, too, with all my plans for the future and to-do lists, but I continue to try.
The course discussed that our genes control fifty percent of our perceived happiness. Ten percent was controlled by outside forces, and the rest, nearly forty percent, by our perceptions and actions (entirely within our control.) If this is the case, we can control much of our happiness.
This brings me to the end of my story and what I'm aiming for; to give thanks for all I have. Maybe I haven't hit the best sellers list, optioned my book, or won a Pulitzer, but I get to practice my craft, something I love and share it with others. How many other would-be writers would love the opportunity? I'm thankful for that. I would love to hear from you. What are you thankful for?
Best to you and yours this Thanksgiving!
What a terrific way to look at life. I've always been an unapologetic half fuller. I will confess it is often difficult for me to live in the now. I am very guilty of achieving a goal, like publishing my first novel, and instead of sitting back to savor it, I jumped right in with submitting my second one. I can't decide if I'd be better served to savor and worry a little about the next one or jump ahead as I usually do. Retirement to me meant the freedom to truly work for myself. Some days I'm the toughest boss I've ever had, but most of the time it's quite a lot of fun! Thanks Kay for making me stop and say thank you! So glad you and your blog are there! Enjoy!
Happiness comes in many forms - As writer Edith Wharton said:”If only we’d stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time!” Albert Schweitzer claimed: “Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.” And George Santayana said it best: “There is no cure for birth or death save to enjoy the interval;” Wishing my sister Kay a lovely Thanksgiving and thanking her for a delightful article. It is always heartwarming to find someone who loves their work/endeavors!