What is success?

As a writer…

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I've been spending excessive time marketing my books and audiobooks for several months. I've discovered that no matter my results, it seems unremarkable or just plain dismal. Is this normal? Am I burnt out? Do I need some extra girl power? Am I experiencing postpartum book depression, or am I experiencing the lack like I do when I purchase a new item for myself? Happy as hell when I first buy the thing, only to lose interest in a week. Things don't bring happiness over the long term; apparently, book sales don't, either.

The first week my book was released, I thought I'd be happy if I sold one book to a stranger. I did. Within a week, I decided I needed to sell a book daily. Once I achieved that, I wanted to sell eighty in a month, and I did that. Then it was to sell seven audiobooks in a month, and I did that too. Yet with each new achievement, I seem less and less satisfied. What's going on? I was so much happier before the books were released when I was writing them. I gave no real thought about their success beyond pleasing an imaginary reader I'd created in my head.

As a first-time author, I had yet to learn what I was undertaking beyond the actual writing of a book. That may have been a good thing. I might not have published if I'd known the ups and downs of marketing and the difficulties involved. Having published through a small press and self-published, I can say that I have done the lion's share of marketing for all three books.

I needed some statistics to compare my book sales to, so I found this website (wordsrated):

• 90% of self-published books sell less than 100 copies. Two of my books surpassed this goal, so I should be happy about this alone.

• The average self-published book sells 250 copies. I will meet this goal before September if the books continue to sell at their present rate. Will I bathe in the happiness bubble? Probably not.

• The average self-published author makes $1000 annually from their books. Nope. I'LL BE AT A LOSS after I take off the costs of editing, covers, classes, software packages, and book promotions. Doom and gloom, it's all a sham.

• More than 1000 self-published authors made $100,000 last year from Amazon. Now that's what success looks like. Yes, I want that my mind says, but these authors didn't do it on a single book or two or three. Often they did it with a series and many. There are no overnight sensations, but correct me if I'm wrong.

• 1200 traditionally published authors have earned $25,000+ a year and 1600 self-published authors have earned $25,000+ a year.

  Acceptable, I say to myself, but if I were to make that goal, it would quickly become old hat and become lacking. Also, where does it leave the other million authors? You guessed it, some making nothing and others making just enough to keep going. The reality doesn't keep more from coming. Who hasn't seen the Youtube videos about writing a book to earn passive income? I laugh my ass off every time I watch one. Passive? There is nothing passive about it. In the last five years alone, the number of self-published books has increased by 264%.

I closed down the page on statistics and dealt with my feelings. It's not the amount of books I'm selling that's the issue; it's what it's costing me personally. I want to sell my books, but they aren't going anywhere. Once the launch is over, the books don't disappear. If I only put an hour a day into marketing or a day a week into marketing, the world would keep spinning. I could stop grasping for something that can never make me happy because it's a goal that will keep changing. The primary goal, the one that does make me happy and never changes, is creating and writing a story. That is a goal worth pursuing. Pushing the books out into the world to share is part of their journey, but the timeline for this is in my hands.

If you want to comment on balancing writing with marketing your books, please comment.

Have a great week!