No Expiration Date on Sexy

Defining Sexy

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Middle Age is Sexy? Tell Us Something We Don’t Know

Last week, I read an article in The New York Times proclaiming, Middle Age is Now Sexy. I laughed out loud. This is news? Just because the media has a habit of marginalizing women the moment they hit their mid-thirties—pushing them off the stage unless they look perpetually youthful—doesn’t mean we’ve ever stopped being sexually desirable.

According to the article, pop culture is finally warming up to the idea of showcasing the sexual lives of women in their fifties. Isn’t that sweet? Hollywood and the publishing world are embracing age-gap stories, with older women and younger men. As an author who writes those stories, I say, Welcome to the party!

It’s exciting to see films like Baby Girl and all the others mentioned featuring May-December couples breaking new ground. However, let’s not overlook classics like Harold and Maude from 1971. Sure, it doesn’t boast the overt sexuality of a modern romance, but it offers something even more compelling: an unapologetic celebration of life, with Maude—sexy, spirited, and wise—showing that true romance transcends conventional ideals of beauty.

Still, let’s address the elephant in the room: Hollywood’s rigid standards of attractiveness. Even these newer portrayals of older women follow the same playbook—thin bodies, smooth faces, and a glaring absence of wrinkles. Botox reigns supreme, and plastic surgeons thrive on our collective insecurity. The message? Aging is okay… as long as it doesn’t actually look like aging.

But when will the media learn that sexiness isn’t about tummy tucks, wrinkle-free faces, or cookie-cutter appearances? Those are just surface traits, and they don’t guarantee attraction or passion. True sexiness comes from within. Every notice how people become sexier after you get to know them or less so?

So, what makes someone sexy?

• Confidence: Being comfortable in your own skin, without comparing yourself to others.

• Empathy: Knowing how to make others feel good and taking the time to do it.

• Self-worth: Treating yourself with the respect you deserve and expecting others to do the same.

• Passion for life: Living with gusto and embracing every moment.

• Openness: Being curious, adventurous, and willing to take chances.

• Charisma: Having social intelligence and the ability to connect with others.

• Kindness: Showing compassion for yourself and those around you.

Of course women in their fifties are sexy. So are women in their sixties, seventies, and beyond. I once met a woman in her nineties at a casino, and she shattered every stereotype I had about her age. She was confident, vibrant, and fully alive. That’s sexy—at any age.

Sexiness isn’t about meeting society’s narrow definition of beauty. It’s about being yourself, embracing your uniqueness, and living authentically. That’s what makes someone truly desirable.

No matter how old you are, own it. That’s the secret to being sexy.

What’s your take on it, dear reader?