What Do Men Want?
The Male Romance Reader.
What do men want in romance novels? Before you tell me that romance novels are for women, let me point out that Romance Writers of America reports 18% of romance readers are men and that was a 2022 statistic, and when you consider fewer men read for pleasure than woman, that’s a healthy sign of success for our genre. In 2014, the percentage of male readers of romance was 9%. These statistics support my theory that the number of men romance readers is growing. Since this is the case, it’s no accident that you can search ‘romance novels for men’ on Amazon and have it show book recommendations. The following other keywords also came up: gay romance novels for men, gay romance novels for men paperback, erotic romance novels for men, steamy romance novels for men, gay romance novels for men and even gay romance novels with muscular men.
The male reader popped into my head for a blog topic after I noticed that some of my new readers from my bookfunnel promo were men. Since I require both an email and a first name to sign up for my newsletter and receive a free book, it became apparent that my audience was not exclusive to women.
Can I grow my male audience? What if I didn’t call it a romance novel or, during my marketing efforts, selected a different type of cover (ditch Pink and chest pics,) changed my book description somewhat and used different keywords? If you think about popular movies, there are some, where the plot seems like a romance novel, but they distance themselves completely from that genre. The Bourne Identity, for instance; People in trouble meet, share an adventure and fall in love with each other and get their happy ever after—a vacation on an island. If that’s not a romance novel plot, I don’t know what is. How far can we shape our marketing to the male reader before we lose our female ones?
Another important subject worth considering is how to destigmatize our genre so that both can read it, without looking over their shoulders? Even though romance generates top sales, it in no way, shape or form generates the same media coverage or respect that literary books do even though it makes more money. Romance books for some people seem to equate to porn. It wasn’t until a year or two ago that The NY Times even included reviews of romance novels, but even now they’re only included in a special segment that covers several at one time that share a particular theme and seemed to be reviewed by one writer, Olivia Waite, giving the impression that it’s beneath anyone else to read and comment on them. They seldom dedicate an entire review of one romance, in the Books section like they do with other genres, still for the first time ever, The NY Times published The Best Romance Novels for 2022.
I still see romance novels, referred to as a ‘guilty pleasure’ by the media, inferring that somehow we (men and women) shouldn’t be reading them. Why is this? Bustle, an on-line women’s magazine, claims it’s sexism, because most writers and readers of the genre are women.
I wondered how the men who read romance viewed themselves and how they handled resistance from others, because of their choice of genre. There were several interesting discussions on Reddit on this theme. One male reader, JM, wrote, “I’m a 36m who keeps the hobby tightly under wraps except from my wife or anyone I trust. I’m in a conservative area in a blue-collar job (plumber) and there are traditional gender expectations. Even my wife, who is traditional, has immense insecurity concerns and equates it to porn … or that I’m getting something from them that should only be shared with her. If anyone knows the enneagram personality stuff, I’m a strong 4, but I do my best to keep that shit under wraps. Emotions and feelings are my lifeblood and romance is nothing but that. Fuels me internally throughout my day in a way that caffeine doesn’t come close to.” Another male reader, KT, wrote, “As for my experience, I’m only angry it took me so long to realize how much this genre is made for me. I’m not at all ashamed, but sometimes I’ll omit my love for the genre around certain people if I don’t have the time or inclination to have a long talk about it.”
In Esquire magazine, an article, Better for you than Reading Porn: Why Men are Reading Romance novels, by Adrienne Westenfeld, published July 27, 2021, the author reported that men purchase one third of audio erotic books. If you think about it, we’re talking about a lot of money here, in a billion dollar industry. The article said, “Romance novels are for guys—in fact they’re for anyone who wants to live a more emotionally rich life.” Cheers to that! In the same article, novelist Sarah MacLean said, “The endless genre permutability of romance can bridge your daily life and your bedroom life in sensationally surprising ways. Whatever is going on in the world, and whatever is happening to women or marginalized people, is happening in the pages of romance novels, but with the promise that everything will be okay.”
Is what men seek in a romance novel different from what women desire? I researched by reading posts on Reddit and other websites where the writers identified their gender as male. I also visited the Bromance Book Club, sponsored by Jason Rogers. Jason Rogers said, “Romance novels gave me a more precise appreciation of intimacy. It helped me unpack what intimacy actually is. Sex is an expression of intimacy, but real emotional intimacy is so much more important.” Interesting, the way it connected to last week’s blog post, How Much is Too Much.
The answer to a man’s desires in a romance novel depends on the man. Men are like women in their varied tastes and it’s not just in their choice of sub-genre. Today’s romance novels include other secondary genres, suspense, espionage, aliens, sports, Greek mythology and more. Some general desires beyond the sub-genre are:
An exciting and engaging story. A strong plot that keeps the reader hooked until the end. Darker themes seem to come up big with men (but not all of them,) but that’s a trend reported by k-lytics that readers across the board are searching for and purchasing.
Besides a wild plot, male readers want crazy experiences through the lens of profoundly human characters. Anti-heroes are good. Men want to see someone flawed, ordinary, tested, and made better through unexpected adventures. Hero’s less awesome in bed, a regular looking dude (not a Fabio look-alike) and not the wealthiest and most powerful man in the room seemed preferred. Please don’t make them too darn perfect, from the story’s beginning seemed a theme. It could be the non-feeling man trope has reached the end of the line, as a couple of men mentioned, this one appeared in too many novels. MG wrote, “As to “my experience,” it does get tiresome sometimes being in such a female-dominated genre. And by that I mean who they wrote the books for. The male and female hero myths differ quite a lot. I understand the female hero myth, and why women are wired for that, but, obviously, I’m not wired for that one. And, a lot of MMC characteristics that turn many women on, just make a Good Guy see red. That’s not a criticism! We’re wired differently, and I love women just the way they are. But sometimes the books...well, maybe an analogy would be when a guy wears women’s clothes. It might be fun, it might even look good, but they never fit quite right.”
A strong partner. The male reader wants a romantic partner who is intelligent, independent, and capable of taking care of themselves and possibly them (think billionaire partner or younger man and older woman/older man.)
A strong emotional connection with the protagonist. Some male readers want to feel like the hero of the story, and they want to feel the excitement, adventure, and passion from their success — winning the other person. Other men expressed they wouldn’t mind being the ones pursued and won. If all of this sounds familiar, it’s because it is. Women want some of the same varied things.
A good story with plenty of action that’s well written, perhaps in a choppier style. Believable dialogue is a must, with fewer pages of inner dialogue. An immersive writing style in the first person and the POV from a male perspective were a couple other desires expressed.
Exploring men’s emotional journeys beyond the obvious ones. JM wrote, “What I think needs to be explored in men’s romance is our internal feelings that don’t come out in popular fiction with male roles. So many of those works speak to a man’s honor, courage, sexuality, etc., but many of those ideals are fantasy. While most of us strive to be Captain America, life doesn’t come at us that way. Themes: The confusion of matching mixed expectations. The struggle of finding and becoming our true selves. The red light green light of pursuing our h. The joy of successfully winning our h’s heart. The contentment of being loved and cared for. The despair and common not understanding when things fall apart. The internal growth from brazen youth to realizing mistakes to hopefully evolving into a well-rounded man. The wonder and fear of creating new life.”
Perhaps writing a romance book in a team, having a male as a team member, or using male beta readers would create a rounder experience for the male reader.
The future holds good things if men continue to read romance; more readers for us and better relationships for women and men, but we as writers have some stuff to figure out (mentioned above) if we want to be purposeful in attracting and growing our male audience of readers.
Please comment, and I would love to hear from any male romance writers or readers on their experience.
Thank you for the kind words. Loved your website and thankful to know about it.
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Love to have you or both of you guest author about a topic related to your blog. Perhaps commenting on how to align the reading of bodice rippers of the past to a more politically correct audience of today. Every time I read an article about this trope should die, put out of existence, etc., I scream no, because they often contain the tropes I enjoy. Different tropes for different folks is my mantra.